Not Knowing

Not Knowing

Certainty…

We need it

We seek it out

We create it from what happens

It solidifies with what is said

We trust our experience

I believed I knew who you were

Out of nowhere, you proved me wrong!

You faded away under the pressure of work

I equally faded as you requested in support

You didn’t return when you said you would

I waited and worried and wondered

Eventually, concerned, I make contact

I am hit right between the eyes by a bullet of dismission

An explanation is offered that doesn’t explain

Information is provided that fails to inform

I got a reply, but I didn’t get an answer!

I can’t believe my character judgement was so wrong

I find it hard to think badly of you, even though this is not fair

You are either lying now or you were fake all along!

Neither option has any gratification

Neither option offers any salve for the wound

Should I ask for clarification?

If I have to ask at all, that is an answer in itself, is it not?

I don’t want this to be true

I don’t want this to have happened

I don’t want this wound

I don’t want what I am left with…

Not knowing

© Iain Merchant 2021