Empty

Empty
Echoes of tomorrow reverberate through me
Cascading down my spine and impairing movement
I am lost
Voices call to me for help and yet I am alone
Tearing through my heart and hurting me deeply
I am silent
What was, and what is, collide in an emotional tempest
The storm clouds obscure my ability to see clearly
I am shrouded
Difficult choices and impossible decisions are required
Outcomes must be prioritised for others, not me
I am merely flotsam
Tomorrow will dawn but I do not care
The day proceeds and I am out of step
I am disconnected from time
In the absence of hope, there is what?
I feel empty and numb and disinterested
I am going through the motions
I need a tomorrow with some certainty in it
But I do not have the fight to shape today
I feel like the death throes of a candle’s flame
Where is my strength, my will, my purpose?
Where am I heading and why?
I am rudderless and I do not care
Shapes of the past whisper over my shoulder
Up ahead is totally obscured by thick fog
I am blind
I am blown by the winds of change
I am flown by the competing breezes
I am inexorably light and yet inordinately heavy
The maelstrom is loud in my airs
The air is violent as it pushes me around
I am still
The battle requires me to fight and fight hard
The requirement never seems to end
I have no desire to fight anymore
The debris of my previous fights are in my wake
Each step has been a lesson and a challenge
I am done with school
I am invisible where I need to be seen
I am assumed to be strong enough to cope
I have lost my strength to the ether
What does the future hold and how can I shape it?
Will tomorrow’s echo bring peace
Right now, I’m not sure I care
I don’t have the energy to climb
I don’t have the desire to fight
I need to escape from the responsibility
I don’t want to wait for the echo
I am empty
© Iain Merchant 2021
…the struggle is for a purpose, but should the struggle be the purpose?…